ah i’m back at school & my headaches are getting worse but i made a dentist appointment which maybe will help cuz maybe it’s my wisdom teeth? also being around ppl makes it harder but i rly like my room & my roommate & boyfriend being here.
being stressed @ home cuz i don’t even live here & i have way too many clothes & books & records — just bein’ stressed about materialism rly.
identity freedom summer~*
i went to this freedom summer conference to learn things about the freedom summer & activism but then i learned & thought a lot about my identity & other things that are important to me & i got to think a lot about my family & i thought about how scared i am for my little brother driving a nice car & police killing black people & also about my sister having a baby in a few weeks who won’t even have an african name even tho her name & my name & my brothers names are 3/4ths african & also i saw all these beautiful black mamas with black babies & i thought about children i’ll have someday & how they might not be black & then i had this conversation with my mother about wanting your children to look like you & wanting to be able to relate to them & how she can’t because she’s white & this is a conversation we’ve never had before & just SO MANY THINGS okay
i left my boy again today & i’m rly listening to the mountain goats & i’m flyin’ outta here tonite, to baltimore, then driving to ohio the next day, then to mississippi, then back to ohio, then back to maryland & gray will come meet me there & he’s rly sad that we’re gonna be apart for a bit but i just tell him about the mint julep i will make him on the fourth of july & the mojito i will make myself w/ mint from the plant in the kitchen & we will sit on the porch & there will probably be a thunderstorm & he will see fireflies for the first time & then one morning we’ll get some raspberries from the yard & make raspberry mimosas & i will cook him a nutella & raspberry crepe & then maybe another day i’ll make him toast & eggs & avocado & tomato & it will all be okay. & we’ll make some films & some love in the woods. just food dreams & love dreams, really.
peace out, sf. you’ve been too good to me.